Tuesday, May 7, 2013

How To Deal With A Break-Up

Only the very few lucky ones will never have to experience it at some point in our life. The heartbreak, regrets, and just the general sadness that comes with a break-up. It's never an easy thing to go through, and some break-ups are harder than others. It's never a fun thing to deal with, but while it may not always seem that way at the time, it's for the better. It just wasn't meant to be for one reason or another. Whether it be distance getting between you, loss of communication, family issues, loss of interest, conflict, or more serious problems. There are times that you should make the choice to walk away as well. 

Breaking up will be hard on both ends, even if it doesn't seem like it. It's hard for someone to work up the guts to actually break up with someone. Think about it, if you were the one who wanted to end the relationship, it would most likely be hard for you to do it, and it would take a lot of courage to do it. The other person may not always even actually want to break up either, but issues beyond either of your control came up to where the relationship can't continue. If they left you for someone else, then they most definitely weren't worth it to start with. At least then they had the guts to tell you instead of cheating on you. You can't blame yourself, or even the other person for the break up. Things happen and people change, there isn't a whole lot that can be done about it. It's just a part of life. The best thing you can do is pull yourself back together and move on. 

The most important thing is to be mature about it. Don't lash out or start crying in front of the other person, and NEVER beg for them to give you another chance and not leave you. They already have their mind made up, and lashing out at them, or screaming at them will only create a bigger mess. Keep negative thoughts to yourself, and never ever threaten suicide. (Suicide is never the answer to anything! The hard times will pass, hang in there. Talk to someone if you are in crisis!) This will only make the other person really uncomfortable, and acting this way will make them think a lot less of you. If they get back together with  you at this point, it's only out of pity. Be mature with the other person, and don't be afraid to ask why they are breaking up with you, but don't force them to tell you. If the other person starts being rude, or if you feel like your going to blow up on them, it's best to just walk away and get away from the situation. 

Okay... Now I know your upset. Once you get away from them, get your feelings out. Have a good cry, scream at a wall, vent to a friend. Do the things you would usually do to feel better when your upset. Write down your feelings, focus on the things you like to do, and most importantly spend time with your friends. Talk to them about how you feel, and start spending more time with them. Odds are you haven't hung out as much when you were in a relationship, so it's nice to get in some more girl time (or boy time for any guys that might read this). Do the things you used to do before you were in a relationship. Surround yourself with friends and family that care about you, don't try to deal with this all alone. 

Of course it wouldn't hurt to pamper yourself a bit too. Give yourself at at home spa day, or even go to the spa if you can afford to do so. Take a nice hot shower or bath with those special spa products, do your nails, or get your hair re-done. You can even do something as simple as giving yourself a lazy day. You might even want to indulge in a special treat. You can even spoil yourself and buy something for yourself, but keep in mind that buying things won't really make you happy. It's just a way of giving something nice to yourself. Money won't buy happiness. 

As for how to get over the other person, it's best to distance yourself from them as much as you can. It'll be really hard at first, and you can't expect to get over them right away. Avoid contact as much as you can. Delete them off Facebook, Twitter, and any other social networking sites you have them on, and don't re-add them. This will also keep you from seeing any of their posts that can potentially upset you even more. Don't answer their phone calls or texts, no matter how tempting it may be. Delete their number, and just don't respond if their number pops up on your phone. You may need to see them in classes or around town, just try to avoid them as much as possible. Focus on your studies or what you went there for. If you can, avoid going to places they go often for a while. Or at least don't go alone. If they try to talk to you, politely tell them you can't talk at the moment. This isn't to say you can't ever talk again, or even be friends in the future, but for at least the first few weeks, it's best to avoid each other. 

You may also want to distance yourself from their friends and family. You don't need to completely shut them out, but it's best to distance yourself from them a bit. If you do talk to their friends, don't talk to them about the other person. You might find out something you didn't want to know, and it may make you look desperate. You also wouldn't want anything negative you say to possibly get back to them. Just try to keep cook around these people, and have casual conversations. Even if they bring it up, tell them you'd prefer not to talk about it.

There will come a time when they will start seeing someone else, and there will be a time when you do too. It will sting a bit to see them with someone else, but remember you'll find someone else too when you are ready for it. When you start to feel your ready to move on, start flirting a little bit, acting cute around other guys you have a crush on. Make yourself available (but don't look desperate). You'll eventually get someone new, and probably even someone better. There are plenty of fish in the sea, you can't beat yourself up because the first one, or few got away. One day, you will find the one. You are still young, there is no need to settle down just yet. And you can't expect to find someone to settle down with in middle school or high school, nor should you want to. Love yourself, and enjoy all the fun times you have with everyone along the way.

"Every long lost dream, lead my to where you are. Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars. Pointing me on my way, into your loving arms. This much I know is true. That God blessed the broken road, that lead me straight to you."
-Rascal Flatts

What do you do to deal with a break-up?

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