Bad Girl Gone Good

When I was in high school, I absolutely loved receiving my report cards and interims. I couldn't wait until my mom got home so that I could show her my A's and B's... and the occasional C, which are all considered to be great in my house. I often made the second honor roll (all A's and B's), and I even made the first honor roll (all A's) once in my senior year. It felt great to get these grades, and make my parents, and myself proud. The money and other treats I received for getting good grades also felt pretty good as well, LOL! But just the overall feeling of accomplishment was a great treat all on its own. It felt amazing to graduate with a 3.8 GPA, and to be in the top 20 of my class. It also felt amazing to not have something to try to hide...

I wasn't always the good student that I was in high school. In fact, in middle school, I was the exact opposite of a good student. I was a teacher's pest, if that's what you want to call it. I was failing most of my classes. In fact, I was actually held back a year in 6th grade, and I was in question to be held back in my second year of 6th grade and in 7th grade. I just didn't care, and at the time, I thought that it made me all big and bad to have such terrible grades. Along with constantly getting detentions (and skipping them at times). I even got suspended in 7th grade. My bad grades, combined with my horrendous behavior, made me feel like some "bad girl". I thought that it made me cool, which was all I really wanted at the time, as I was being bullied in middle school. I was completely different person back then. I was a little brat that thought she was all big and bad, when I most certainly wasn't.

I got a rush off of showing off my detention notifications reports card full of Fs around the middle school. "LOL, look! I got a detention! HAHA I'm failing everything!" I would run around the school saying, thinking I was impressing people by acting like a dumb brat, when really it only gave them something else to laugh at. But while I got a rush out of it at school, it was a whole other story when I got home. I'd often hide my report cards and detention slips in my locker so my mom couldn't find them. I'd avoid letting her know about my grades or my behavior as much as I could. In fact, I'd even make up stories of things she'd want to hear about my life at school so she wouldn't know the truth. I knew she'd find out about my grades eventually, but I still hid it for as long as I could. But I knew that if she found out about how I acted at school, that she would be really upset. 

I'd eventually end up showing my mom my F filled report cards, or just telling her when I couldn't hide it anymore (when the unavoidable parent-teacher conference would pop up). I would receive some form of punishment, such as not being able to watch my favorite shows, earlier bedtime, ect. And my mom was actually kind of lenient on my punishments, as I was still allowed to attend some school activities, play with my DS, and even have my phone (sometimes taken away), and play outside. But I'd NEVER tell her about my behavior, or the fact that I was being bullied. But eventually I could not hide that anymore either. My parents eventually found out how I really acted, and how my situation at school really was through several parent-teacher conferences, and calls from the school. My mom actually cried when she found all of these things out... But I still continued this behavior and flunking every class though my whole time at the middle school. 

It wasn't until 8th grade, when high school started at my school, that I decided to cut this stupid girl act. I was tired of seeing my parents upset all the time, and having to hide my report cards. I was tired of being yelled at by my teachers, and always being in trouble. I was tired of having to wonder.. what privilege am I losing this report card? Being a bad girl was not going to make me popular in high school. And some of the things that I said and did in middle school would have gotten me my butt kicked in high school, especially as a little 8th grader. I decided then that I needed to get my grades up and start to at least do my school work. I needed to stop reacting to bullies by being a bully back and cursing at them or calling them a name back. I needed to do what the teachers told me to do, and not talk back or be a teacher's pest. I needed to change for the better. My bad grades and actions weren't going to get me anywhere but in more trouble. 

It wasn't easy to change my actions at first. For me it wasn't so much a matter of getting my grades up, as all I really had to do was start doing my homework and turning it in, and that alone brought my grades up to A's, B's, and C's. But changing how I acted in class and how I reacted to negative comments was really hard. I really had to bite my lip at times so that I wouldn't cuss at someone or say something to get me in trouble, or punched in the face. To make matters even worse, the fact that I stopped reacting caused people to intensify the bullying. Trying as hard as possible to get a reaction out of me. But I decided to stay strong and just try to ignore it the best I could. And after a while, the rude and  hurtful comments went down a lot. Sure there were still some dumb comments that lasted through graduation, but it was nothing like before, and as high school progressed, I even made a few friends that made it seem a lot less harsh.

The combination of being on my best behavior, and trying my best in school made my life both in school and at home a lot more pleasant. I no longer felt like my parents and teachers were out to get me or to bring me down. At school I got along much better with my teachers, and even enjoyed being in some of their classes. At home I enjoyed not having my parents all over my back, and the increase in privileges that I had. Getting a computer in my room, and having no parent enforced bedtime was certainly really nice. Not trying to be a bad girl made my life a whole lot easier, especially when I wasn't sitting in detention, in the principal's office, or coming home to see my displeased parents sitting on the couch with some kind of lecture. 

I am not afraid to admit that everything that I did back in middle school, all the excessive cussing, the failing school, the disrespectful things I did, I did for attention. I wanted people to react to this "bad girl." And it certainly drew attention, but not the kind of attention that I wanted. The way I acted gave people a reason to make fun of me. Nobody thought that it was cool, and certainly nobody felt sorry for me. I was taking a bad situation and making it worse. I pity that middle school girl now, and I sometimes have a hard time believing that girl was me.

Changing for the better doesn't mean that you have to be perfect, or a goodie two shoes all time time. I am certainly NOT a goodie two shoes all the time, and I even still break some of the rules and goof off a bit when no one is watching. Gotta have some fun right?! LOL! But I do know when a little rule breaking or goofy-ness crosses the line, and I know not to take it to far. I do the things that I'm supposed to, and thats certainly what matters most. Sure I stayed up past 1:00 am on a school night, and then took a nap in study hall or in my least favorite class sometimes. But I still got the work done. There's no reason that you have to be a perfect angel... because come on, nobody is perfect, even if they may seem like it. Just be careful not to cross the line. You don't need to be straight A student either, just put in the effort and try your best. And if anything.. think of how nice it would be to not have to worry about having your phone or computer taken away. Or getting into even worse trouble... 

I don't know where I would have ended up had I not decided to straighten myself out, but I certainly wouldn't have graduated with a 3.8 GPA, not would I have probably even graduated. I probably wouldn't even be blogging right now. If any of you out there are constantly failing and getting into trouble like I was, pick yourself up. You are much better then what you think. You can go far if you just straighten up, even just a little bit.