Girls Only: Talking To Mom... And Dad

Disclaimer: This post is intended for GIRLS. I am not a professional, and most of my advice comes from personal experience as well as knowledge I have gained from other sources. 

There are some things that are not easy to tell your parents. From the tiny things such as feeding your veggies to the dog as a kid, or getting in trouble in class and having to turn a card, or whatever that teacher chooses as discipline in elementary school, to the more serious things such as problems in school or other issues that you may be having (this is something I'll discuss in another post). We can often predict our parents reactions to certain things, and it keeps us from wanting to say anything. We often think that either they will be mad or disappointed, or even worse? They will smother us with that "oh my baby!" stuff, so embarrassing! However, there comes a point in every girls life, or should i say every teens life, when we will need to talk to our parents about, well, growing up. There's really no avoiding it, unless you really want to buy all of your feminine products on your own as you grow up. And really, they're going to figure it out anyways at some point, because puberty is a well known fact of life. They know about when to expect it, and what to expect. There's really no point in trying to hide it. 

When I first started going through puberty, I was really afraid to talk to my mom about any of it at first. I knew how she was going to react. "My baby girl is growing up!" and a tight hug. Something I found really uncomfortable when I was eleven/ twelve years old. The thought gave me chills, and I did not, and still don't, like to feel smothered. A few things my mom sort of figured out on her own just by looking at me such as the need for bras, and needing to start shaving, and that was an easy conversation to get into. However when it came to, my monthly friend, that is another story entirely. I didn't end up telling my mom that I got it until my second period. I just threw out messed up panties (ew, but it happens), and hid my used pads, which were pre-bought for when I did start, at the bottom of the trash can and covered them with tissues. However, I knew that I wasn't going to be able to keep hiding it forever, especially once I ran out of pads and needed a new pack. So I decided to tell her when I got my second period. And let me tell you, telling her was a relief. 

She did get into that "my baby" thing, but it wasn't nearly as bad as imagined. She didn't go on for hours and hours with it, but did allow me to talk about it without being smothered. Telling her also allowed for me to give a good reason as to why I'm moody from PMS or why I don't feel like doing much because of cramps later on. It also made for some interesting conversation with my mom about growing up. Plus it felt much better not having to try to hide it, and knowing that I could easily tell her when I needed a new pack of feminine products. She never brought it up around other family or friends, or in public. Shopping for bras, pads, tampons, and other products was no bigger deal then shopping for groceries for me with my mom.

While I did tell my mom by the time I had my second period, I didn't tell my dad until I was thirteen or fourteen, and I only did because I absolutely had to. I found it easier to talk to my mom, and other females about it, simply because they were women as well and knew what it was all about. But I really did not want to talk to my dad about it, and I wanted to avoid telling him as much as I possibly could. But then one weekend when it was his weekend to have me over, my monthly friend paid a visit, and I no pads or tampons with me, and he of course, being a guy, didn't have any in the apartment. So I had no other choice but to tell him, and being thirteen/ fourteen and highly self conscious, it seemed like a huge deal to me. I thought for sure he would do or say something embarrassing about it. I didn't want to be seen buying pads with my dad, and letting the whole world know that, yes I am a girl and I hit puberty. I thought everyone was going to be looking at me at the store with my dad, and that he would make some kind of scene. But I knew that if I didn't tell him, it would end up in a yucky mess. (ew again!) 

Again, looking back on it, it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. He didn't even get into the "my little girl" thing. He was actually really understanding of it, and he knew that this was going to happen at some point. He did slightly tease me for it, probably because I was making it to be a bigger deal then it really was, but it was nothing major. He just joked about dancing down the aisles with the pack of pads because I was afraid to be seen buying them, but he didn't do it, LOL. All in all though, it wasn't a huge deal. Most people wouldn't have even seen me pick them up, and if they did, they really wouldn't think anything of it. Think about it; do you typically notice someone going to buy hygiene products, or anything else for the matter? And if you do, how much thought do you really put into it? Probably none. How likely are you to see a stranger from the store again? Not very likely. 

Now back to telling your parents... More then likely, if you are able to, you most likely will want to talk to you mother first, since she's been through it as well and can help you with it best. But if your mom isn't around for any reason, or if you are in an emergency situation, you may need to tell your dad first (or at another time in my case). Either way he'll know at some point, once you reach a certain age he'll know by default, even if he doesn't say anything. But knowing that you can't hide it, and really shouldn't try to hide it, you have to find a way to tell them that makes you feel comfortable. You may feel comfortable using one way on one parent, and another on the other. You may want to tell them each in the same way, or even sit them down and tell them at the same time. It's really up to you and what makes you feel comfortable. You don't have to say it at your family reunion or at Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner for your whole family to know, nor will your parents likely bring it up in any social situation. It'll be between you and them, and I'm sure that if you ask, they'll reassure you of that.

Here are just a few ways to start the conversation with your parents (please feel free to leave other suggestions in the comments)

Be upfront:

"Mom (Dad), I think I _________" (Fill in the blank with: started my period, need a bra, ect.)

"Mom (Dad) I need some ______" (Bras, pads, ect.) 

"Mom (Dad) guess what?! ...."

Casually bring it up: 

"So today I have been thinking that it may be time for us to go shopping for ______ (bras, pads, ect.)

"Mom (Dad) I have tell you something..."

"So as you know, I am getting into/ closer to my teen years, and I'm growing up and...."

Work it into conversation:

How was your day? "It was pretty good, I (small summary of the day), and I also ______ (started my period/ got thinking that I may need some bras.)

Start a conversation with your mom about her life growing up and then work it into the conversation

Leave a note or send a text: if you don't feel comfortable saying it, you can write it down for them to read.

After telling your mom or dad. They will generally allow you to ask questions. Your mom may even share her period stories with you and give you advice. The subject will stay between you and your parents, and honestly you won't even need to talk about it often, unless you have questions or concerns. And don't be afraid to ask! 

Girls Only: They Come In Two...

Warning: This post talks about puberty, and also has some personal stories in it. Some things may make some people uncomfortable or feel weird. Believe me, I felt a little weird writing this post, but this stuff is nothing to be ashamed of. This post is intended for GIRLS, mostly younger girls who are just starting to go through puberty to give them some pointers and advice. Please keep in mind that I am not a doctor so I can't give medical advice. 

Some of us just can't wait to get them. We all get them at some point, some earlier and some later than others. They come in a wide range of sizes. A few of us may even say its our favorite feature. Guys seem to be obsessed with them for some reason. They are, none other than, BREASTS! Or boobs, jugs, jumblies, bazongas, or whatever you choose to call them. Anyways, we all get them, whether we want them or not. It's just another one of those great things about being a woman. 

Personally, getting boobs was probably what I was most excited about when it came to puberty. I've wanted them since I was little, although I don't know why. But I certainly got my wish, and I actually developed a bit earlier than other girls in my school, but not to early. I was about 11, so it was around the right time. I just developed a bit faster than a lot of other girls. I actually kind of enjoyed it, LOL! Well aside from some of the other kids saying they were fake and that I must have had implants, but that was one thing I learned to take as a compliment rather quickly. 

Some girls may get breasts even earlier, or even later. Breasts can start growing anywhere between age 8 and 13, maybe even a little later. They may grow slowly or quickly, but that all depends on your body. All girls bodies are different, so don't fret if you don't develop at the same rate as your friends, or even as your sister. You may not even be fully developed until you're about 16, or you could be fully developed as early as 13 or 14. It all depends on your body. 

The weirdest thing for me was when my boobs first started growing, although I knew what it was, it was still so strange the way they grew. (And this is where writing this gets a bit awkward... LOL! But if it could help someone it's worth it. Plus it's nothing to be ashamed of.) When I was about 11, started noticing that area starting to get a bit puffy. I knew then that my breasts were developing. However they were a bit uneven, so I just wanted to hide it at the time. They were uneven for a while as they were growing, but they eventually evened out and grew at the same rate when I was about 12. It seemed so strange to me, and I admit it was a bit embarrassing at the time. Especially with the fact that I was just starting middle school.

It's completely normal for breasts to grow at different rates, and having one be a little larger then the other while they are growing. They WILL even out at some point, don't worry. They may also have a weird shape while they are growing, which is also normal. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Wearing a bra will help it out a lot, and around the time you start getting a bit puffy around the nipples, you need to start looking for bras. 

It may seem a bit difficult to tell your mom that you need to start buying bras, it was certainly hard for me to bring up anything about growing up to my mom. But she's been through the same thing, and she knows that it's coming for you. You may get the "my baby is growing up!" but it isn't that bad, and you'll be glad you said something. It's best not to try to hide it, she'll know eventually. My mom understood it perfectly, and took me bra shopping. She knew anyways that I've always wanted boobs and bras anyways since I was young, since I'd constantly ask when I could have boobs and wear a bra, so this part of puberty wasn't the hardest to tell her. However, I know that this isn't easy for a lot of girls, but really my best advice on this is to just take a deep breath, and tell her in some way, casually, or even better, straight up. 

You're not going to need a big cup size right away, and when you first start growing, you most likely won't even be an A cup. I started off with a few pairs of training bras. These are meant for girls who are just starting to develop, and can even be worn before you start getting boobs to get into the practice of wearing a bra. Try to look for fun cute designs to make it even more fun for you, and don't forget to get at least 7 pairs for the week. They don't have to be to fancy, but get something you think is cute and feel comfortable in. This will help especially if you have to change clothes for gym, just for a little confidence, just don't spend to much money on a single bra while you are still growing. Save the Victoria's Secret bras for until you are fully grown. There are plenty of cute, yet cheap bras at stores like Walmart and Target.

It would be impossible to get into everything there is to know about getting breasts into one post, and quite honestly, although I have personal experience I don't know everything. I'm obviously not a doctor so I can't give any medical advice, but if you have any questions, please leave them in the comments section, and I'll answer them the best that I can. Also feel free to answer other girls questions, as we are all here to help one another. I will elaborate more on certain things in the future, but it is my hope that this post will help to get someone started. Please feel free to leave your personal experiences here if you wish, it might just help someone else out. :)

Remember there is no such thing as a dumb question!

Girls Only: That Time Of Month...

Warning: I'm just going to be straight up before I start the post. This post is about periods/menstruation, or whatever you choose to call it. This post is intended for girls who want some advice on how to manage it a little better. Boys, I can't stop you from reading, but just beware. Also keep in mind, girls, that I am not a doctor, and can't offer professional advice. Also note that I will be using words such as vagina, sperm, and obviously period in this post. This post contains some mild bad language. 

Every girl knows, or will know at some point in her life what I'm talking about. The cravings, the mood swings, the cramping, the breakouts, the... eww (yes I mean bleeding), it's a monthly occurrence. Every girl will experience these symptoms in slightly different ways. They can go from very mild, to moderate, to severe. Some lucky girls may even have the complete absence of some of these symptoms, and that's perfectly fine as well. There are many ways to manage these symptoms, and different girls will find that different things work better for them. I will be primarily sharing things that work for most girls, and things that work for me. If you have something else that works for you, please share it in the comments section of this post. 

I will not be getting into the specifics of what a period is, and why we have it today, but basically, it is a 28 day cycle (can differ from girl to girl) in which an egg goes through the female reproductive system. Every month an egg is released, and the uterus build up a lining, preparing for pregnancy. At the end of the cycle, if the egg is not fertilized, the egg and the uterine lining will exit the body through the vagina, this is your period. So that, bloody gooey mess, isn't as much blood as it is uterine lining, although a little blood does come with it. It'll take a few days for it to exit the body, and how long it takes depends on your body. 5 days is typical, but it could be a longer, or shorter time frame. Other symptoms such as cramps and PMS may come up along with your period, each with varying degrees of severity. Cramps are caused by the contracting of the uterus during your period. PMS (Premenstrual Syndrome) is caused by the changes in hormones around the time of your period. Hormonal changes can also lead to more breakouts around this time of month.

Yea... So in general periods suck, or at least that's my, and many other girls opinion. Unfortunately, all of us females will have to deal with them. But hey, look on the positive side, when you get your period, at least your not pregnant (well, unless your trying to get pregnant, then it still sucks). We can't stop it from coming, but we can at least manage it, and do a few things to help out our symptoms. Today I will share what works for me, and for most girls. Feel free to try these out, and try out your own methods as well. 

Bleeding

Flow can range from light to heavy. Flow levels can also vary from day to day. 

How to manage- As far as I know, there really isn't much you can do to control your flow. However, it's important to choose the right pad or tampon for your flow. You don't want to use one that's to light, or you'll have to change much more often, and your more prone to leaks. But you don't want to use one that's too heavy either, especially with tampons.  

When to change- Pads should be changed about every 4 hours at the most, and tampons should be changed about every 8 hours at the most, or when it's full to prevent leaks. This can be a way to determine what absorbency you need. If you are filling up a pad or tampon in less the the full time, you may want to bump up in absorbency. Although some girls may want to change more often, just to feel a little fresher. However, if you don't fill a pad (4 hours) or tampon (8 hours) in that time, you'll want to move down in absorbency.

Cramps

Cramps can range from mild to severe, some girls may not even get them at all. Pain levels can also vary from day to day. You may have them only one day, then not have them for the rest of your period, or they could last the whole week, or even just a few days.

How to manage- Different methods work for different girls. Many girls say that light exercise helps with cramps. You can also consider putting a warm heating pad over your lower tummy. I personally find that taking a nap and just getting some rest can really help out a lot. If you have things to do, taking pain relievers such as Aleve or Tylenol can really help out a lot. If you are under 14, ask a parent before taking anything. Only take the recommended dose. Taking more then needed is dangerous, and won't help any more with cramps. If your cramps are so bad that you can't do anything, and nothing helps, you may want to see a doctor.

Breakouts

Breakouts can occur at any time of the month, but the hormonal changes near menstruation can cause more acne to pop up at this time. How much you breakout, or if you breakout at all, depends on you.

How to manage- Simply keeping a good face washing routine down all month can help to keep blemishes down. This isn't a 100% guarantee that you won't get blemishes, but it'll help to keep it down. However, don't over wash your face. Over washing can cause breakouts as well, and can dry out your skin. Keep your hair clean as well, oily hair puts more oil onto your face, and can clog up your pores. Don't forget to keep the rest of you body clean as well, your face isn't the only place you can break out. Plus it's nice to feel fresh and clean month round anyways. If you feel your acne is disrupting your life, ask a dermatologist for advice.

Cravings

Chocolate, CHOCOLATE!! Well, not every girl craves chocolate, but many of us get cravings for something we really like around our period (or at any time of month). Though hormones can really kick up those cravings.

How to manage- When it comes to cravings, remember that it's okay to give in once in a while, as long as you don't over do it. To much of anything is never good for you, including healthy things like fruits and veggies. If you want to stick to healthful eating, a nice piece of fruit, or a smoothie, can help to settle the cravings for something sweet. You can also try some Nutella on toast if you wan't something chocolaty. But then again, it's nice to have a brownie, cookie, or bowl of ice cream once in a while. A little indulgence, and special treat will never hurt. Just don't forget to eat healthy foods as well, along with exercise. 

PMS/ Moodiness

You many find that you are a little more irritable, or that you get mad or sad much easier, and for no reason around your period. This is due to the changes in hormones around your period, and it's perfectly normal. I personally find myself getting a little bitchy around this time. PMS can range from mild to severe, and generally occurs within a few days before the start of your period. 

How to manage- Keep a mood diary, and write down how you are feeling every day. Mark down when your period starts, this will also help you determine your cycle. If you experience PMS you may find that within a few days before you period starts, you're mood may take a turn for the worst. Remind yourself that it's because or your period coming soon, and that it's not your fault. If you find yourself getting mad and snapping at people easily, it may be best to stay quiet. If needed, you can tell your friends whats going on, but don't use PMS as a constant excuse for being mean. Try your best to keep negative thoughts in your head in social situations. For example, it's best not to tell someone to "shut the $%^# up" or to call them a moron, especially if you don't know them well, or in professional situations. You can also rattle off your feelings to a trusted family member, or a close trusted friend if needed. You can also consider writing down your thoughts if they may hurt the persons feelings. Just remember, these feelings should pass soon after your period starts.

Warning- If negative feelings linger for a few days after your period starts, or won't go away at all. Or come at other times a month (without reason), and last for more then two weeks. You may want to see a doctor. There may be something else going on. Also see a doctor if PMS symptoms become hard to manage and significantly impact your life. If you are having any feelings of hopelessness or thoughts of suicide this is not PMS, this is a serious mental illness and needs to be treated IMMEDIATELY. Remember, there will be ups and downs throughout the month, but the feelings should not linger for to long. 

I hope you enjoyed my first Girls Only post. From time to time, I'll be making more of these posts about puberty, and growing up. I also write many advice posts, as well as posts about make-up, and other fun things on my blog. I encourage you to comment things that work for you here, as it may just help someone else. Keep in mind that I am not a professional, and I can not offer medical advice. I can simply tell you what works for me, and give some tips and tricks.