Gossip: Fact or Hallway Fiction?

While I'm not so much into it anymore, when I was in middle school, I was absolutely obsessed with gossip. I stuffed my binders with teen magazines about all my favorite singers, actors, and actresses at the time. Although I probably should have been stuffing them with schoolwork instead or PopStar and Astro Girl magazines. I would read, and reread these magazines all the time, and more often then not, believe every word that I read. Even what color to paint my nails, and who I do and don't get along with based on my star-sign. Unfortunately, yes, I'm serious. I was obsessed with all the little puzzles and personality tests, and even more so.. what my favorite stars are up to. But not only was I obsessed with the celeb gossip, but I loved hearing about the crazy rumors about my classmates. I loved to hear things, and pass it along.. even adding on to the story at times. Gossip is really fun, and rumors do make for interesting, entertaining conversations. However.. sometimes it's better not to get to involved with gossip and rumors.

The main thing to watch with gossip is that it isn't always 100% true, and it may not even be true at all. While sometimes pieces and parts might be true, someone may twisted things around, or added their own bits and pieces, to spice up the story a bit. And when you weren't directly involved it can be hard to tell what is real and what isn't. Many rumors may not even be true at all, and could have just been someones assumptions based on something they saw, or even heard them say. Sometimes they even get made up completely out of the blue, possibly by someone that wants to ruin someones reputation or hurt someone. It's nearly impossible to tell what is true, and what is just fiction. As a general rule of thumb, it's best to be iffy about even the most believable gossip unless it's confirmed by all of people involved. 

While gossip can be a great source of entertainment, and is relatively harmless, it can also get way out of hand, and really hurt somebody. Some gossip may just be an irritation or an annoyance to the person  involve, they may even joke around with it. But sometimes a rumor could spring up, and grow to the point that it ruins someone's reputation, and causes anxiety and depression to the person involved, whether it's true or not. If a piece of gossip sounds like it might hurt someone, get them in trouble, or ruin their reputation, DO NOT PARTICIPATE, even if you don't like the person. Even if you despise someone, it's no reason to try to ruin their life. Besides, why waste your lunch time talking about someone you don't like? And if you don't know the person, aside from their name maybe, don't let gossip affect how you treat them. Because what you heard may not be true at all, and even if it is, it doesn't mean that the person is a bad person... they may even want to change that part of themselves. And remember, even if something is true, think of how you'd feel if people spread your secrets around the school.. same with people saying horrible untrue things about you. 

In all honesty, it's best to avoid getting to involved with rumors, especially when it comes to rumors about people you go to school or work with. You may even want to refrain a little bit from rumors that go around about celebrities or internet stars. Just don't believe everything you read about them is true, and avoid adding to it. But when it comes to people that you work with or go to school with, it's best not to take part in it. Of course it really is easy to be drawn in, nobody is perfect. But just because you hear something from your friends, it doesn't mean that you need to pass it on or even 100% believe it. And if you hear something bad about someone, do NOT talk about it and feed into it. You never know how much it could hurt them. I know that this can be hard, especially if you already don't like the person, but it's better to change the subject, or stay out of the conversation completely. 

No matter what age you are, there will always be gossip. From middle school, to high school, to college, and even into your work place. I've even heard TEACHERS gossiping before. There is no getting away from it, and it cam be really tempting to take part and even add in your own bits of information. However, you never know whats really true and what isn't, or how it could affect the person involved. I can tell you personally that having rumors spread about you hurts. Things that you trusted someone with getting spread throughout the school.. or someone making something up about you that isn't true. 

Remember, nobody is perfect. And even if you do gossip a lot, that doesn't make you a bad person.. but it is best to not get to involved with it. Or treat someone different because of it. Because you never truly know what is fact, and what is hallway fiction. 

They Like You... But... You Don't Like Them That Way...

We all know how nerve wrecking it can be to tell someone that we have a crush on them, or that we like them as more then a friend. I for one could never find the courage to tell a guy that I like him, because I'm so afraid of getting hurt, and because of general shyness. It's a huge risk to tell someone how you feel, because you're really putting your feelings on the line, and if it turns out they don't feel the same way, you'll feel absolutely crushed. So when it's reversed on you, and someone is telling you that they like you, the last thing you want to do is hurt their feelings, even if you don't like them in that way. And if that person is a friend, it can be even harder, because you don't want to lose the friendship. In any case, you just might not want to feel as if you're being mean to them, as you know that it must have taken them a lot to tell you that. It may seem like it's easiest to stretch the truth and say "I like you, but I'm not ready for a relationship right now", rather then just saying "I'm sorry, I don't like you like that". This way you don't have to date them, but you don't hurt their feelings. But believe me, it's much better just to be straight up and tell them the truth. 

You may be flattered that someone likes you, along with not wanting to hurt them, but if you don't like them back, and you really can't see yourself being in a relationship (or being happy in a relationship) with them it's best to just tell them the truth. Sure it's nice to have someone like you, but if they think that they may have a chance and they start getting flirty, things can get really uncomfortable really quick. Thinking you feel the same way, they might be flirty with you, waiting for that day you are ready for a relationship to come. They won't know that it's making you uncomfortable if you keep flirting back, or unless you tell them that you don't like them like that. If they think you like them, they'll think that you like it, and they'll keep persisting with it, having no idea of how creeped out or uncomfortable you may be. No matter how flattered you are, if you don't like them back, and they keep flirting, flattery can turn to resentment towards them, and wanting nothing more then to avoid them. This certainly would not help out the friendship you had with them before. I learned that the hard way.

I am not perfect, and I have gotten myself into this mess before. During my sophomore year of high school I became good friends with this one guy from my school (although it's not his real name, let's just call him George). I had talked to him a few times when I was in 8th grade, but never really all that much until I got into 10th grade. George had always seemed to be really nice, and he was super friendly. It was nice to have a guy friend to talk to, especially with him being a really good listener. It was also nice to be able to talk to a guy that I knew in real life that wasn't a jerk like most of the guys at my school. It was all good, until... I found out that he liked me as more then a friend, but I didn't like him in that way. Nor was I really ready for a relationship, as it was pretty soon after my break-up from my 2-year online "relationship" with Charlie. However, I for sure did not handle it the right way at all. A combination of feeling a bit flattered that a boy liked me, not wanting to hurt his feelings, and not wanting to lose a friend took over me, and I told him I liked him too, but I wasn't ready to date anyone because of what happened with Charlie. So he told me he'd be there when I was ready, and from there... the conversations got uncomfortable and uneasy for me.

The fact that I didn't tell him straight up that I didn't like him in that way, and only liked him as a friend made him feel as if he had a chance, even though he didn't really have much of one. He started to get a little more flirty, and I went along with it most of the time because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. I tried to avoid the flirty conversations as much as possible by talking about school, teachers, or anything else, but it would always come back up. It got to the point where every time he would text me I would sigh, and sometimes not answer it and find an excuse later. And although all of our flirting was over the phone and through text, never at school or anywhere face to face, it got to the point where just being around him made me uncomfortable. He was a senior that year, and I couldn't wait for him to graduate so I wouldn't have to see him anymore, and that's when we began to lose contact. He wasn't a bad guy at all, but his flirting really bothered me and drove me away from him. Had I just told him that I only liked as a friend from the beginning, if he was as nice as he seemed to be, he may have laid off and accepted it, and maybe we would still be good friends. I really regret the fact that I didn't just tell him, as I could have saved myself the discomfort and regret, and him the time and effort. 

So as hard as it may be, it's always better to tell the truth. It'll save both of you a lot of time, and emotions in the long run. It will hurt their feelings, but there's no avoiding that. It would hurt them even more if they found out that you never actually felt the same way. You don't have to be mean and nasty about it, just tell them that they are a great friend, and you do care about them and want to be their friend, but you don't want a relationship with them. Keep in mind that if they're a friend they may have the same worry about ruining the friendship. If they truly do value your friendship they should understand it, but they may need some space for a while. It may even be best to keep a little distance for a while so that they can get over you. It may sting a little, and it may even sting a bit to see them get over you and find someone else, but it's for the best. Both of you would be much happier with that, rather then trying to make something you don't want work. 

The other person may not always be able to accept that you just want to be friends, and can't settle for friendship. If this is the case, it's best for both of you that you end the friendship. Trying to keep a friendship with someone that only wants more will only hurt both of you. They may also keep trying to get you to like them, and won't stop flirting, even if you tell them to stop. You may even find that arguments come easily, and fights are constant. It's hard to keep a friendship when fights are coming almost daily. If you can't agree to be friends, and only friends, it may not even be worth it trying to save the friendship. 

If you tell the other person to leave you alone and they won't, or if they start threatening you, you need to tell someone. If they won't stop texting or calling, don't answer them. Block them on any social networking sites you're on so they can't message you. If they keep persisting, tell someone you trust so that they can help you. If they physically follow you around, roam around your home, threaten to harm you in any way, this is a serious matter that needs to be reported to law enforcement immediately. Don't wait until it's to late. Hopefully, and more then likely, it will never come to that, and the other person will lay off, even if they are hurt or mad they'll get over it. But there are some really bad, and creepy people out there. Never get into a relationship because of a threat. If they are willing to hurt you for any reason, they aren't the kind of person you want to have anything to do with. 

Yes, telling someone you don't feel the same way about them is hard. You know it'll hurt them and break their heart, and that it could mean losing a friend, but it'll be best for both of you. It might even save your friendship before you get driven away by unwanted flirting, and it'll save their heart in the long run. You don't wanna get into a relationship that you hope from the beginning won't last. You can't keep it going forever, and you don't wanna wait until they break up with you, or do the exact opposite... :S Yeah.. perhaps telling the truth form the beginning would be better. 

How To Deal With A Break-Up

Only the very few lucky ones will never have to experience it at some point in our life. The heartbreak, regrets, and just the general sadness that comes with a break-up. It's never an easy thing to go through, and some break-ups are harder than others. It's never a fun thing to deal with, but while it may not always seem that way at the time, it's for the better. It just wasn't meant to be for one reason or another. Whether it be distance getting between you, loss of communication, family issues, loss of interest, conflict, or more serious problems. There are times that you should make the choice to walk away as well. 

Breaking up will be hard on both ends, even if it doesn't seem like it. It's hard for someone to work up the guts to actually break up with someone. Think about it, if you were the one who wanted to end the relationship, it would most likely be hard for you to do it, and it would take a lot of courage to do it. The other person may not always even actually want to break up either, but issues beyond either of your control came up to where the relationship can't continue. If they left you for someone else, then they most definitely weren't worth it to start with. At least then they had the guts to tell you instead of cheating on you. You can't blame yourself, or even the other person for the break up. Things happen and people change, there isn't a whole lot that can be done about it. It's just a part of life. The best thing you can do is pull yourself back together and move on. 

The most important thing is to be mature about it. Don't lash out or start crying in front of the other person, and NEVER beg for them to give you another chance and not leave you. They already have their mind made up, and lashing out at them, or screaming at them will only create a bigger mess. Keep negative thoughts to yourself, and never ever threaten suicide. (Suicide is never the answer to anything! The hard times will pass, hang in there. Talk to someone if you are in crisis!) This will only make the other person really uncomfortable, and acting this way will make them think a lot less of you. If they get back together with  you at this point, it's only out of pity. Be mature with the other person, and don't be afraid to ask why they are breaking up with you, but don't force them to tell you. If the other person starts being rude, or if you feel like your going to blow up on them, it's best to just walk away and get away from the situation. 

Okay... Now I know your upset. Once you get away from them, get your feelings out. Have a good cry, scream at a wall, vent to a friend. Do the things you would usually do to feel better when your upset. Write down your feelings, focus on the things you like to do, and most importantly spend time with your friends. Talk to them about how you feel, and start spending more time with them. Odds are you haven't hung out as much when you were in a relationship, so it's nice to get in some more girl time (or boy time for any guys that might read this). Do the things you used to do before you were in a relationship. Surround yourself with friends and family that care about you, don't try to deal with this all alone. 

Of course it wouldn't hurt to pamper yourself a bit too. Give yourself at at home spa day, or even go to the spa if you can afford to do so. Take a nice hot shower or bath with those special spa products, do your nails, or get your hair re-done. You can even do something as simple as giving yourself a lazy day. You might even want to indulge in a special treat. You can even spoil yourself and buy something for yourself, but keep in mind that buying things won't really make you happy. It's just a way of giving something nice to yourself. Money won't buy happiness. 

As for how to get over the other person, it's best to distance yourself from them as much as you can. It'll be really hard at first, and you can't expect to get over them right away. Avoid contact as much as you can. Delete them off Facebook, Twitter, and any other social networking sites you have them on, and don't re-add them. This will also keep you from seeing any of their posts that can potentially upset you even more. Don't answer their phone calls or texts, no matter how tempting it may be. Delete their number, and just don't respond if their number pops up on your phone. You may need to see them in classes or around town, just try to avoid them as much as possible. Focus on your studies or what you went there for. If you can, avoid going to places they go often for a while. Or at least don't go alone. If they try to talk to you, politely tell them you can't talk at the moment. This isn't to say you can't ever talk again, or even be friends in the future, but for at least the first few weeks, it's best to avoid each other. 

You may also want to distance yourself from their friends and family. You don't need to completely shut them out, but it's best to distance yourself from them a bit. If you do talk to their friends, don't talk to them about the other person. You might find out something you didn't want to know, and it may make you look desperate. You also wouldn't want anything negative you say to possibly get back to them. Just try to keep cook around these people, and have casual conversations. Even if they bring it up, tell them you'd prefer not to talk about it.

There will come a time when they will start seeing someone else, and there will be a time when you do too. It will sting a bit to see them with someone else, but remember you'll find someone else too when you are ready for it. When you start to feel your ready to move on, start flirting a little bit, acting cute around other guys you have a crush on. Make yourself available (but don't look desperate). You'll eventually get someone new, and probably even someone better. There are plenty of fish in the sea, you can't beat yourself up because the first one, or few got away. One day, you will find the one. You are still young, there is no need to settle down just yet. And you can't expect to find someone to settle down with in middle school or high school, nor should you want to. Love yourself, and enjoy all the fun times you have with everyone along the way.

"Every long lost dream, lead my to where you are. Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars. Pointing me on my way, into your loving arms. This much I know is true. That God blessed the broken road, that lead me straight to you."

-Rascal Flatts

What do you do to deal with a break-up?

Long Distance Relationships

I have never been in a relationship with a guy that I go to school with, or a guy that lives in my state for the matter. Let alone someone that lives near enough that I can see them everyday. The one relationship I was in was long distance.  For me, it was always nice to now that someone out there cared for me, and I didn't care about the distance. Although it would have been nice to be able to go to a movie with him, or snuggle on the couch on a cold day, or in my case... be able to talk to him more often. Perhaps it was our lack of communication, which should have been a red flag from the start, but he was physically ill at the time, that ended our relationship. Or maybe it was a combination of that, and the 2000 miles between us. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like for us if we'd lived closer together, but the only thing I can do at this point is move on. 

I met (let's just call him Charlie) online back when I was in middle school, and we started dating a year after we met. I had always had the dream that someday we could actually be together at the same place, although how little we actually spoke made it seem unlikely already, but I have always been a dreamer. Not all long distance relationships start online, it could be someone that lived nearby and moved away, but you decided to stay together. Or it could be someone that's overseas serving our country. No matter what the situation, the feelings you have for them are just the same as you'd have if you were actually there with them.

While my online romance with Charlie ended badly, as well as many other online relationships I know about, but that doesn't mean it's always going to end like that. Someone I know is now engaged to a guy she met on MySpace several years ago after meeting face to face. Just remember to play it safe if you plan to meet someone you've never met face to face. Video chat with them so you can see for sure who they are, meet in a public place, and don't go alone. People aren't always who they say they are, and going alone can be potentially dangerous. Although this isn't always the case, it's always nice to know beforehand who they really are, and a friend with you just to be sure.

In any relationship, communication and trust are most important. Talk with them online, through text, and over the phone as often as you can. Modern technology gives us so many ways to stay connected with the people we care about. Both people need to make an effort to make time talk to the other person in order for it to work. If either of you don't have easy access to Internet or a phone, write letters if possible (getting a letter is more special then getting an instant message or even an email to start with), and try to email once in a while. But if both people have easy access to technology there's little reason you shouldn't be able to communicate almost daily, even if it's just for a few minutes. You don't need to talk 24/7, not even close distance couples communicate all day- every day, you each have lives and other things to do. But going for weeks , or in my case months, without any communication puts even more strain on a relationship.

As months would go by without a single message from Charlie, I started to have a few doubts and a few suspicions. Perhaps he may have even had a few about me. And the fact that he wouldn't get online for months at a time made it impossible to talk with him about it. When he did come online I didn't want to get in an argument, so I just pushed it aside. He would tell me that he couldn't be on because of his medical condition, which may have been true. If you start having any doubts, try calmly talking with them about whats bothering you. Don't point the blame at them, just tell them how you feel, and use the words "I feel..." to avoid serious conflict. But remember, all relationships are going to have some kind of argument. If anything turns into an argument, try to work it out. If they won't take anything you say into consideration, or they are rude to you, whether it be in a short or long distance relationship, it's time to call it off.

If both people are willing to put an equal amount of effort into the relationship, and the trust and communication are there, you can have a lasting relationship, no matter how far you are. When the time comes that you can be closer together, take that chance. If you truly love each other, it will all be worth it in the end. It's never easy, no relationship is easy. There will always be struggles, ups and downs. But there's also the happy times. Distance doesn't have to ruin your relationship... It can even make it stronger in the end. <3

Single On Valentines Day?! Don't Bum Out!

I used to absolutely despise Valentines Day. I thought that the holiday was stupid, and I didn't like to see other people celebrating it. I never wanted to go to school and see all the couples get all lovey-dovey on that day, and I always hoped for it to be on a weekend or for school to be called off for a snow day. You could probably say that I was the Ebeneezer Scrooge of Valentines Day. What the heck was my problem?! LOL! 

As you can probably guess, I was single, and I was really young at the time. All I wanted in the middle school, and early high school days was a boyfriend that I could spend Valentines Day with. I was pathetically jealous of all of the happy couples in my school. I didn't understand at the time that there are so many more important things in life than middle school/ high school romance. And I always thought that those couples would be extra affectionate and lovey-dovey on Valentines Day, when in reality, it's pretty much just like any other day. As I got older, and a little more mature, I realized that while it's nice to have a boyfriend, it's not the most important thing in the world. Nor do you need a relationship to celebrate Valentines Day. 

You can celebrate Valentines Day with friends, family, or even all on your own. Show the people you care about some love, and get creative on how to go about it. Make your best friend a card, and maybe even give her a nice candy bar or make her a friendship bracelet. If your school sells Valentines Day treats or flowers, send some to your friends and add a silly note. Make Valentines Day a day for friendship, and have your best friend be your Valentine! 

Have fun with the day. Wear red or pink, and maybe even go for a pink eye shadow look. Wear some accessories with little hearts on them. Treat yourself to a box of chocolates or something special. Buy yourself that romantic book, or any other book, you've had your eye on. Watch a romantic movie, or any movie you'd like. Watch it with friends or on your own. Don't be a humbug and sit around loathing the day like I used to. :)

It's nice to have a special someone to spend Valentines Day with, but you don't need a guy to be happy. What do you like to do for Valentines Day? Do you have any special traditions with friends, or things you like to do? Do you love or hate the day? Do you choose to just ignore it and treat it like any other regular day? Do you have that special someone this year?! :)